Interesting question huh?
I'll explain why I'm asking. Yesterday we decided to head up to the mountain to a beautiful lake that we've camped at in the past. Part of our extended family was up there camping and even took my middle son up with them. We thought we'd stay for a few hours, let Derek play in the lake and just "relax".
I think relax was the furthest thing from my mind, and as we drove home and I listened to my husband rave about how wonderful it was up there, and how he had such a great time, I realized how opposite that was for me.
The mountain and lake are beautiful, and I love camping. I can deal with the dirt, no showers and cooking over a fire just fine. I've resisted camping though since we've had Derek, and the last time we were camping was 5 years ago. I have visions of Derek walking off, drowning in the lake, getting burned on a burner or the camp fire. Just don't see how it would work.
In a way he showed me that camping with him is just not possible. He was happy to play in the lake, he loves water. He tried to go out deeper once, but the lake is full of rounded rocks and makes walking really hard, and since his body isn't the same as other four year olds, it shows. Still he was happy staying by the shore in about 6-8 inches of water, he pretty much played for a couple hours and we had to drag him out.
The entire time though I didn't feel like I could take my eyes off him, just fear of what he could or would do. He did start walking off at one point and we had to coax him back over. He kept picking up large rocks, nearly missing his toes, picking up big sticks and nearly missing people with them.
Then we went back to the family campsite, and this was the defining moment. We were there for only an hour and I was not relaxed at all. There is a 1 year old and 3 year old cousin camping with them, so the camp is semi childproofed. As you sit there and watch Derek and the two cousins you see the differences, and I don't mean speech and communication type, but just the way they handle themselves.
The one year old cousin sat on the ground and ate cookies, hung out pretty much and didn't try to take off, or sat in mom's lap.
The three year old cousin sat in laps of relatives, ate cookies, watermelon and cantalope, and pretty much stayed pretty still for that hour.
Derek though, couldn't sit still, was pacing back and forth between the chairs in a 5x8 area. He was eating cantalope and watermelon, but he had to touch EVERYTHING that he walked by. The sides of the camper, the table, the propane grill that was set up (but not on thankfully). The sides of the camper had little metal vent areas that said "Caution Hot" and he was just running his hands up and down everything.
I just couldn't imagine even one night/day camping with him. I don't see how it would be possible, there would be no way to relax.
I then started thinking about how I am with him versus my older two. We stopped at a little play place in a mall on Saturday, and I don't think my eyes left him, and if I lost sight of him I stood up to find him. With my other two, at age four I probably would have brought a book to read while they were playing!
Its just SO different, just one of those things that I think other parents don't realize and maybe take for granted.
So, my blog friends, Do You Ever Relax?
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5 comments:
I have an almost three year old little boy and I can NEVER relax. Sometimes I think that he feeds off of that too.
I know what you mean by them being "different" than other kids. It bothers me sometimes. But, on a good day, I can see how perfectly different and adorable he is.
Interesting question. No, I did not feel relaxed for much of our recent vacation. Much of that was because of Henry's PDD, but much of it was also because of my rambunctious (NT) 2-year-old. I think when you're a mom you never quite relax the same way again. But you're right- the unpredictable-ness of our ASD kids makes it nearly impossible.
With my NT son (2), I feel pretty confident that he will "listen to my words" and stay away from something unsafe. With Henry, I'm not quite as confident. Thank God Henry is a good sleeper, but still I didn't sleep well at night, worrying (irrationally) that he would get out of bed, go downstairs and out the door, and head to the lake!
I think we should all take one vacation with our kids, for their sake, and then another without our kids, for our own sake!
NO. I can never relax with Roo. I have not gone camping since we had Roo for the same reasons you describe. I completely relate to what you are saying and yes, it is completely different with Roo than with typical kids. Not even close. When you say how your husband relaxed, but you didn't. It is the same here. I think my husband is able to relax knowing that I do not take my eyes off of Roo for a second.
I ditto you! We haven't camped for 2 years for the same reasons. I remember how our Sam didn't even get that the fire was hot, and at the time, his balance was so poor compared to others his age, I feared him falling right in the fire. He is fearless, so we never know either.
But...we actually leave for 14 days tomorrow to Black Hills and then Yellowstone. We are camping 3 nights of the stay by Rushmore. I am less fearful this time though, as we are not camping with family, so less conversations, distractions from demanding people. It is just us four. I am a little more at peace.
As to the never relaxing. No, I can't. Not anywhere. Sam will dart at any moment. My husband and I never let him out of our site and rarely off our hand, because we know what he does. Our closest family is 5 hours away. When we are with them, they think we are ridiculous as to how we hover over him. They just don't understand, because we don't let things happen around them for them to get it. My husband says we should let him go sometime so they can see, but our fear is, that would be the time he darts into a street with a car coming or something.
Hang in there. We know what our ASD kids need best. I am okay with family thinking we don't know how to camp because we don't very much, if they choose to not understand or know why. I hear you all the way!!!
No, relaxing is not something I even attempt unless Littleman is safe in his own bed and sleeping soundly. We have talked about camping for a weekend on our vacation- and because it is just the three of us, things would probably go okay. My husband and I can trade off on the 24/7 Littleman surveillance.
I'm with Gretchen-a vacation without the kids is often the only way to really relax!
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